Go without,
Till the need seeps in
You low animal,
Collect your novel petals for the stem,

And glow,
Glow,
Melt and flow,
Eviscerate your fragile frame,
And spill it out on ragged floor,
A thousand different versions of yourself,

And if the old guard still offend,
They got nothing left on which you depend,
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood,
And off with their heads,

Jump from the hook
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life,
And they got no right--
As sure as you have eyes,
They got no right,

Just put yourself in my new shoes,
And see that I do what I do,
Because the old guard still offends,
(Their pudgy hearts and slimy hands)
They got nothing left on which we depend.
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood,
And off with their heads.

Jump from the hook,
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
That you despise.



I am in love with that song. RAC's remix of an amazing Shins song = <3


But anyway, I am in a bright mood today. I just got home from a bar downtown where I was watching the semi-final match between Spain and Italy for the Euro Cup.

And sadly, Spain won. I was rooting for Italy. It came down to penalties, and Italy made the mistake of letting defenses shoot, instead of the people who's job it is to have good aim. But alas, as long as Germany wins the cup, I'll be happy.

Last night was a very interesting night. I confronted Gregorio, as Koffe called him, and we had an interesting conversation. I was expecting him to be a complete asshole about it, but I guess my trust in him as a friend wasn't entirely incorrect.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I am simply hoping he doesn't try to pull the same damn trick a third time. I'd expect him to understand well enough not to.

That wasn't quite what bugged me the most about the whole thing. The worst part of it all was that his excuse and reasoning was that he was "pulling a page from my book."

That was partly correct, and I quickly corrected him about it. And then I gave him advice as a friend not to do what I did, because it didn't matter if he was trying to get his mind off of the break up from his relationship--dealing with it should never include fooling with other people's feelings, because that hurts everyone involved. I've learned a fair lot from my mistakes, but that doesn't mean that I want other people to have to. Karma is a damn real thing, and I didn't want him to follow in my footsteps. I hope he doesn't. But I can't control him. I just know that if I had someone telling me not to do what I did, then maybe I wouldn't have gone down the road I did.

Alas, what's done is done, and that's that. Dwelling on the past is not a good thing, so I am focusing on fixing my flaws and concentrating on the present and future, but not neglecting the past, because then I'd just make the same mistakes.

After dealing with Gregorio, I had a conversation with Titlenregistration where I found myself trying to convince her that I was really quite all right. Earlier that night, Koffe had been trying to tell me that I can't dwell on the past, and that I need to be happy with the now, and get over what is done. I love him, but the constant reminder was getting quite old.

Despite what everyone seems to think, I am really quite all right. I am getting over what happened. It's been a damn long year since we broke up, and although I have moments where I mope and seem like I am hopeless, I really am quite capable of taking care of myself. Just because I acknowledge that what I had with her was the best thing that has ever happened to my life does not mean that I am dwelling on that fact and hoping for it to somehow start again. I know that's foolish, and unhealthy for both of us. The phrase, "You never forget your first love" is very true. I am never going to forget what that relationship was, and what it meant to me. But they should add a second part to that.

"You never forget your first love....BUT YOU DO EVENTUALLY GET OVER IT."

Because otherwise, that phrase sounds really hopeless. And I don't like that. I know what I have to do to get my life back in order, and I am dealing with each problem, one step at a time. Because I tried taking everything on at once, and see what good that did.

All right. I needed to get that out. I'm good. And excited that tomorrow is Monday, because that means that my baby gets home and I can play with her forever and ever x5

WOOT.

-Batmanalight