Happy Birthday, Darling.

So.
I was hoping I would
Forget the date this morning.
Regardless of that desire,
It is January 6th.
And I miss you.
It hasn’t been a week.
I am trying so hard
Not to think
Not to breathe you in
To forget your name
To forget your face
But everywhere I look
I still see you.
I don’t want an answer to this
I don’t want to know nothing has changed
I want you in between my arms
Pressed against my chest
Until the beating slows
And I can finally rest.
But I must be realistic
I must not be so damn romantic
Because it’s killing me
And it’s killing you.

I’m tired.
You must be tired too.
I’m sorry.
This is sending shivers
Through my spine
And into my fingertips
Why can’t you just stay
Three thousand miles away?
I know why
You can’t stay
Three thousand miles away
Because I need you here,
At bay.

I don’t like to think that
You won’t be in my life again
But its something I might have to get
Used to.
I am sorry that I threw my burden
Onto you
You’ve carried my weight far enough
But I am selfish
And I want you to be mine
But I want you to be yours, too.
I don’t want to hide
I can’t bear to subside
Because they don’t want
You and me
To be together.
I am sorry
If this is not what you wanted
To hear today.
I just wanted to say
Despite the cliché
That I will always love you

But if I have to
I will go back to
Leaving that on the backburner
While the rest of my time
I know that each rhyme
I write is for you
Each broken chord
From any of my numerous
Guitars
Are brought out
By a subconscious need
To just fucking recede
This very conscious desire
To love and admire
You.

I wish you the best
Let this be a test
For time alone will let me know
If we should just let go.