I'd rather dance with you.

It seems I made an attempt to come back to Manalight on August. It didn't quite work, but last night my girlfriend sent me a link to it, and for the first time in over four months I came back to it. I came back to the Batcave as well, and I even paid a visit to the Liger's place.
Wow. It's amazing how much things have changed since then. In just four months, not even a year, so many things have changed. It was slightly comical to re-read all of my posts on here, and the comments too. The comments were what really made me giggle.
So basicly, I can't really tell everything that happened since August. It's simply too much to tell. But I can summerize it.
School started, and everything was going pretty well. I was sad that I didn't have any of my best friends in my classes, but other than that everything was going fine. Then their relationship started having...visible problems. Before I knew it I was helping both of my best friends deal with the problem, and worrying deeply about what they'd resolve to. I didn't want to see either of them get hurt, but it was obvious that it had to end. And pretty soon after I'd been helping them deal with the problem, she ended it. Things were awkward the first day back to school. Everything this year had begun to change from the last. Friendships were getting stronger, as well as weaker. At the time I wasn't sure of what I wanted, and things were looking dull in my life. I'm not saying I wasn't happy with it, it just seemed like every day was exactly the same. Then I got her phone call. I'll admit it, I was frustrated with her at the time. I knew she wanted to tell me something, but she didn't say it. I can't really blame her for it, though. But finally, I thought, maybe now she'll say it. And she did. It took her a while to finally say it, but the three words were said. I felt like jumping up and down. I felt like screaming. I also felt like smiling. A lot. And I'm pretty sure I smiled for the rest of that night, and the next day afterwards. I'd waited a year for her, and it was finally starting to look like what I had always wanted.
That was, of course, before I began to think about the people who would be affected by it. And how things would change after that. But at the time, I didn't want to think about it all. I was too fucking happy to care what other people would do. I wanted to see her and kiss her and never let her go. It didn't happen exactly like that, though. We went on a date for the first time with the intent to be together. It was one of the most amazing movies I've ever not really seen. And it proved that the feelings I'd been telling myself might be real, and might actually mean something "out of the ordinary" weren't just thoughts in my head. It also proved to me that she really cared about me too, and just knowing that those feelings were real was enough to make me happily ignorant to anything besides her.
It was the first day back that hit me with a big hand across the face. It hadn't been more than a week since she'd broken up with him, and I was already going on dates with her.
I'd promised him I wouldn't go out with her, because I knew that would be worse than stabbing him in the back.
But all those promises were made when these feelings didn't seem to matter to me. They'd always been there, and I knew that they couldn't mean anything because there was no way things would have worked out the way I wanted them to. Yes, I felt an incredible weight on my back with a big sign of GUILT across it. Slowly but surely, everything started to change. She and I started going out, I was actually, genuinly happy for the first time with a girl, and I'd 'betrayed' my best friend.

Really makes you wonder what tipped the scale more, doesn't it?

Maybe my decision was selfish. Maybe my friendship would have worked out if I hadn't made that move.

I'm tired of maybes. I made my decision. And I'm happy with it. I'm dealing with the consequences of it, and I'll keep dealing with them because I love her, and nothing is going to change that.


Ok. Fast forward to today, the 29th of December (Well its actually 3 AM into the 30th, but whatever.)
My girlfriend is on the other side of the country. It feels like she's on the other side of the world, really. I miss her to death, and I want to see her again. Really badly. Only four more days, though. Four long days. The first day was the longest.
There we were, hugging tightly, and on my mind was the thought "I should kiss her. I'm not going to see her for two weeks, I need to kiss her. But what if she doesn't want me to kiss her here?"
I didn't have to make that decision. She said "Screw it, its break," and kissed me, not caring if people saw us or not. That brought just about the biggest smile all day to my face, and I hugged her for the last time, and I began walking home. When I was on the street it occured to me I forgot to say the three words I'd been thinking all day. And I wouldn't get to say them to her personally for two weeks.

Then I got home. She'd called me to tell me she missed me, and she loved me. That message remained on my phone, I think still today. I walked up to my bedroom and I laid on my bed and it hit me for real.

I'm not going to see her for two weeks.

The rest of the day was incredibly long. Watching a Korean love movie didn't help me stop thinking about her, either.

But anyway, I think I've covered most of the important points of the last four months. If not....well then it doesn't really matter, because I'd rather dance with you.