New Year's Resolution

God doesn't know how long it's been since I made a post on this dusty old thing. Blogging is apparently back in business with some of my closest, so I figured I'll give it a bang too.

My life is nucking futs. Like, majorly, right now. Not sure if that's a bad thing, or a good thing. A lot of things have happened in the most recent days, yet most of it has been kind of on the inner part, and not in any way on the outer part. Mainly, because during this break I have basically gone out of the house twice. It's really, really sad. But I've had a lot of time to reflect on things.

First things first, I have noticed that teenagers are really, really horny in December. It's really odd. Everyone is horny. Including myself. But yeah, anyways.

A lot of things have happened to me this year. The best relationship began in late November of 2006, and ended in very late August of this year. Did it end because of something that happened between us, you may ask (probably not)? No. We were fine. But I guess life wasn't ready to handle us. LOL. I didn't end up moving, like I wanted to. I didn't get a lot of things I wanted to, but I've started to try and accept that. It was hard, ending the summer. The end of that summer symbolized too many things. More than I really knew at that time. It was the end of something left unfinished. It was supposed to be the end of this life, and the start of a new one, almost a completely clean slate. It was the beginning of high school. It was the beginning of growing up. I could go on.

Right now, I can say that although the relationship ended, the friendship will never, ever end. That was the biggest fear I had when I ended the summer. The fear that I would lose her forever, not just as my girl, but as a person in general. That when she moved, with the new life she'd begin, everything would just be left aside. It was a completely foolish thought, to think that someone as amazingly caring as her would ever think of doing that to anyone here, who she cared for and who cared for her the way they did (and still do!)
But it was the thing that really broke me down. The fear of abandonment. From anyone, really. The end of that summer also symbolized a new life without the same people who were always with me. It was something that I wasn't ready for, and while the summer continued, I didn't have to think about it. I could keep telling myself "You'll be fine, don't worry."

I lol at that idea now.

I usually never break down. I'm a generally strong person, specially about emotional things. But in the words of Juno, I was dealing with things far beyond my maturity level.

But enough emoness about that. The new school year began, and I started to realize that it would be very hard to forget about her. I decided I would cope with the feeling, and get through it. I went through a relationship that I at first thought did not do me much good. Thinking about it now, I am glad I had it. It was what I needed. It wasn't the best thing I could've done, granted, but it did not end badly. I am still very good friends with her.

Two nights ago I saw an amazing movie. It's called Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang. If you have not seen it, rent it/buy it/idkseeitsomehow. It's fantastic. I had one of those moments where you're watching a movie or reading something, and although it has absolutely nothing to do with you personally, when you finish it, you have a mindfuck and realize some hella inner deep thing about yourself. I ended up summerizing the past three years of my life in a very small tangent in a conversation, and truly learned how ridiculously uncontrollable change is. One year, you can have all these plans for your life, and within months, your entire world can easily be shook upside down and rightside up again, and suddenly everything changes like one of those silly bubble things that people collect. You know, those little semi-circle worlds that usually have some fake snow in there. Except the snow changed colors when it was shook.
I realized how import it is to treasure the people around you, and to enjoy every moment spent with them, because they can leave your life forever, and rarely give a damn phone call.

I also realized that dwelling on the past can hurt you a hell of a lot. I also learned that there is nothing wrong in making plans for the future, though. Which leads me to the title of said blog: My New Year's resolution.

I want to get a haircut. (Easy one)
I want to try to get somewhere musically (Hard one)
i want to try and improve my relationship with my father (Hard one)
I want to try and get a MacBook (Moderate one)
I want to spend more time with people I love (Very important one)
I want to try to say LEET, LEET, LEET! at 1:37 pm/am every day. Military time would be 13:37 (SUP3R IMP0RT@NT)

But most importantly...

You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend,
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
WE SURE ARE CUTE, FOR TWO UGLY PEOPLE!
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'M IN LOVE WITH HOW YOU FEEL.
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quijote was a steel driving man
My name is DANNY I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you.

http://www.myspace.com/themanalightproject/ <3