The northern sky looked like the end of days.

It is amusing how rich with thoughts, complications, memories, mistakes, and ideas my head fills within a matter of days. You begin to wonder if you're ever going to learn to control it.

The conclusion tends to be undecided.

You wonder if your efforts are in vain. If there's no point in wishing, or hoping.

The conclusion of that tends to be no, if you are surrounded by the right things at that moment. With the wrong mentality, the answer will be yes.

The reason for this stream of thought is a combination of needing to let things out, and inspiration from an obscure video. Life questions, and such. The biggest one on my mind right now is one that has given me a really large array of feelings.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

The first impression to answer this brings me to think that it is because life is unfair. That it picks upon the ones that don't deserve it. Just now, my least favorite book comes to mind. The Book of Job. The only part of the book I liked, in a cynical kind of way, was when he began to question God. The man had been loyal to him for his entire life, and had done nothing wrong. He'd survived hardships, and he thanked God for everything he had. Then, the bastard takes it all away because of a simple bet with the devil. After absurd and complete tormenting, punishing, etc., so on and so forth, Job begins to question God.

This is where I begin to remember all the bullshit in the bible. About how God will punish the sinners, and the evil people. About how he'll reward the good people. And I remember Job asking God why the hell he was punishing him--he, who had never done a single evil deed in his entire life.

And then, in the end of the story, after it gets to the point where it is beginning to get hard for me to continue reading this bullshit, you get to the conclusion, where God comes down and talks to Job. I was expecting some sort of life-changing moment, that would possibly make me question my agnosticism.

And what do I get?

A simple excuse from this "voice" of God in the story. A voice of higher power that acts like a condescending son of a bitch, bragging of everything he's done, and everything he is capable of, and demanding the one thing that I will never, ever submit to. He tells Job not to question him, because he is oh so mighty and oh so powerful.

Fuck. I'm getting furious just remembering it. I hated that story with such a passion. It was so god damn hard to read that at school, and then hold myself back during discussions. Respecting other people's beliefs seemed like such a meager excuse to belt out a debate on something I love discussing.

My satisfaction was brought a couple of weeks ago when I burnt the damn book.

Why do bad things happen to bad people?

From my rant, you can see that the answer is very weighed by what your beliefs are.
The reason that question was the first in my mind is because of the aggression it brings me when I think of the person I care about most, lying in a bed, stuck in a room for the next couple of months. But then I think of another point, one that was clear in my mind from another discussion of a book at school.

The reason evil exists in the world is to balance goodness. If there was no evil, there would be no way to define good. Without bad things, life would become boring; monotonous. I think that one is a bit easier to cope with than the God-approach. It is understandable, and it doesn't aggravate me.

Why do promises break?

Well, fuck if I know. People change. Different things gain priority in life, and old promises that seemed to be important become trivial. It's depressing how our older days are replaced by mounting responsibilities and life's little intricacies. You can get so caught up in what "must" be done that you forget what you ever even striving for.

End rant.