This is what happens when I close my eyes

If I was a simple man
Would we still walk hand in hand?
If I suddenly went blind,
Would you still look in my eyes?
What happens when I grow old,
And all my stories have been told?
Will your heart still race for me,
Or will it march to a new beat?
If I was a simple man...

If I was a simple man,
I'd own no home, I'd own no land.
Would you still stand by my side?
Would our flames still burn so bright?

Sometimes I wonder why
I'm so full of these endless rhymes
About the way I feel inside
I wish I could just
Get
it
right.


I don't know why I am still writing in this old fucking thing.
I should just throw it all away.
Am I really sad?
Or am I just angry?
I can't tell the difference
Sometimes I wish I was the monster
They all want me to be
Maybe then it'd be easier
But most of the time
I want them all to just grow the fuck up
And face the cold hard fact of reality
That despite their private school
And their rich homes
In their quaint little town
The world is full of sick and twisted mistakes
All waiting to happen
With only a single push.

They can point their fingers
And they can pretend to care
But if they really cared they wouldn't have turned
The other cheek
And left me alone
They would have seen past it
And they would have fucking tried
Just like I try every day

But with you,
It's different.
I cannot even begin to think
Of how much I hurt you
But I can't keep
Thinking about mistakes
I want to help you
I want you to know
Your whole being is beautiful
And I wish I could prove it
But I don't know if that
Will even happen anymore.

There's just been
Too much
My mother says
That 'what's yours is yours,
Regardless of whoever else comes around
Or how much time passes.'
I know I'm young
And I know life has only just begun
But I don't feel that young
I've seen so much pain
I've felt out of control
I've let myself sink into that cloud
And I've tasted smoke through her tongue
How can I be so young?
I've seen so much.
These thoughts are real
Regardless of age
These feelings are surreal
And they have been felt by billions.
How the fuck has humanity dealt with so much pain?
How do we keep going?
Why do we keep going?
Why hasn't He made some other plaything
To amuse him and entertain him
Because clearly,
If Christianity is true
He is a sadistic prick.

Fuck it.
I'm not sad.
I'm not angry.

I'm just full of clichéd angst.

Happy Birthday, Darling.

So.
I was hoping I would
Forget the date this morning.
Regardless of that desire,
It is January 6th.
And I miss you.
It hasn’t been a week.
I am trying so hard
Not to think
Not to breathe you in
To forget your name
To forget your face
But everywhere I look
I still see you.
I don’t want an answer to this
I don’t want to know nothing has changed
I want you in between my arms
Pressed against my chest
Until the beating slows
And I can finally rest.
But I must be realistic
I must not be so damn romantic
Because it’s killing me
And it’s killing you.

I’m tired.
You must be tired too.
I’m sorry.
This is sending shivers
Through my spine
And into my fingertips
Why can’t you just stay
Three thousand miles away?
I know why
You can’t stay
Three thousand miles away
Because I need you here,
At bay.

I don’t like to think that
You won’t be in my life again
But its something I might have to get
Used to.
I am sorry that I threw my burden
Onto you
You’ve carried my weight far enough
But I am selfish
And I want you to be mine
But I want you to be yours, too.
I don’t want to hide
I can’t bear to subside
Because they don’t want
You and me
To be together.
I am sorry
If this is not what you wanted
To hear today.
I just wanted to say
Despite the cliché
That I will always love you

But if I have to
I will go back to
Leaving that on the backburner
While the rest of my time
I know that each rhyme
I write is for you
Each broken chord
From any of my numerous
Guitars
Are brought out
By a subconscious need
To just fucking recede
This very conscious desire
To love and admire
You.

I wish you the best
Let this be a test
For time alone will let me know
If we should just let go.